The Ned Natter Show| Guest Bio's of The Famous Weekly Comedy Podcast Show

NED NATTER
He’s tall, skinny and scruffy, with long sideburns and unkempt hair, he wears a traditional smock top and brown pants, big steel toe shite kickers the leather’s gone, with laces made of old orange or fluorescent pink twine, he doesn’t seem to go anywhere without his pitchfork [shite-fork]. Born on a farm in Dorset on the south coast of England, there was a rumor that Ned was born in a stable, but the truth is simple Ned was born in the same hay barn he was conceived in, nine months later and five months after his parents’ shotgun wedding.

Rush "To The Restroom" of The Ned Natter Show

RUSH "TO THE RESTROOM"
Me guest political correspondent and incontinent has to rush to the restroom frequently and never quite finishes his commentary. Rush was born in Grundy County TN and did spend years in DC, only not lobbying, he was a conservative senator’s chauffeur, all those long waits caused Rush to get a weak bladder. But when a little scandal blew up - see Rush knew everywhere the Senator went, he drove him there, old Rush got a nice pay off and bought a small farm in Florida. Still all those years of rhetoric have rubbed off on Rush and he still chats to like-minded folks in DC, so his opinions are up to date but always a little out of whack too!

ELSIE NATTER (The Trouble & Strife) of The Ned Natter Show

ELSIE NATTER (The Trouble & Strife)
You’ll never see old Elsie, Ned's disturbed as she still insists on wearing a thong and he reckons that’s why there’s a worldwide shortage of elastic. She’s pear-shaped all bottom and no top, always has a cigarette burning in her hand. Her thighs are wide her calves nearly match, she wears flip-flops and an ankle [Anchor] chain, she’s always got that annoying ankle biting mutt (she named it Ned) at her dirty feet. Elsie was, according to Ned, born in a cowshed, but we know nothing more about her.

DOLLY NATTER (And you thought only sheep were cloned) of The Ned Natter Show

DOLLY NATTER (And you thought only sheep were cloned)
Ned's daughter and stable lass, she fell off her bike when she was 5 and has never been right since. Her pet goat is called Butt.
As a hobby she likes to make white tee-shirts covered in shite with the Natter logo "Ned Natter Shite Matters" - Dolly was born, we know little else.

NAN NATTER (The Old Crow) of The Ned Natter Show

NAN NATTER (The Old Crow)
Ned’s neurotic 94 year old mother is not only a sight for blinkered eyes, she’s a miserable moaning old hag that gets into a state about the simplest things. She hates her limited income, people who use coupons at the store, men with beards, men without beards, farm animals and her own reflection. She’s rude, out of date and over here, Ned tells everyone she was a stowaway on the Mayflower and that he didn’t invite her. She’s skinny, with a hairy chin and a grey-white beehive hairdo from the 50’s, she’s got thick, incredibly thick horn rim specs and always wears a torn scruffy pale blue cardigan, a brown knee length skirt and those furry bootie type slippers. She’s got a cane walking stick, sometimes a walker. Ned can’t decide if she’s aged 90 or 1090, she looks more like an old tortoise only without the shell. Born in Dorset countless years ago, according to Ned her parents had to fight off dinosaurs on the prowl for fresh meat at the time.

SKIP NATTER
Ned claims another distant relative, Skip Natter is a cockney sounding Londoner who ran off to Australia to make his fortune, only they didn’t like the sound of his ideas [or his voice] Skip calls in now and again asking for financial help for one of his crackpot business schemes. Ned reckons Skip was born in the London gutter where he was later adopted by a road sweeper and his wife.

DING DANG (The farm help - ya’ll) of The Ned Natter Show

DING DANG (The farm help - ya’ll)
A born and raised Southerner, he spends most of day dodging work on the farm.
He also married Darlene Freebird who recently gave birth to their baby, which turned out to be Old Lonnie's. Obviously, they didn't see her coming and now Ding Dang has moved out after the short-lived honeymoon, and lives in the trailer with Quentin & Coagulate who are most amused at their new "Flamboyant Eye for the Redneck Guy" make-over project!

Old Fred "The Nudist" of The Ned Natter Show

Old Fred "The Nudist"
Worked in a nuclear power plant for 25 years, up close and personal, he spent every working day in heavy protective clothing, gloves and a face shield, he took early retirement and every stitch of clothing off, since then he is a full time nudist and dedicated woman chaser, only the law prevents him from going everywhere in the nude - Fred is obsessed with proving his manhood and relies on a cocktail of male performance and enhancing drugs to stay in the game, unfortunately his resulting conquests are far from the ideal he’d hoped for, still Old Fred is not picky and his adventures are always cringe worthy!

Old Lonnie " Me Blind Neighbor" of The Ned Natter Show

Old Lonnie " Me Blind Neighbor"
Worked as a bus driver for many years until the day he could no longer drive due to his failing eyesight, in fact Lonnie told Ned that it got so bad, he could hardly see the bus let alone what way he was going - so he got a job as a janitor in an Adult video store and theater, it was dark dingy and suspicious looking - Lonnie’s eyesight got worse in the dark and apparently rumor has it that some of the things he saw and did make you go blind, at least that’s what he told Ned. Now Lonnie lives alone in a broken down trailer on an acre of weeds, his only pleasure is eating and he eats anything he can lay his hands on!

Young Alice
Is less of a trust fund kid and more of a genuine heiress, her father owned a big business and left young Alice a stack of money in his will, she is an attractive, sensitive vegan, who adopts all Ned’s non-laying hens, Ned hopes that one day she’ll adopt him too! Alice is also a walking-talking version of the Farmer’s Almanac and up to date with every cosmic, astrological and astronomic event.

PASHANA KONDAPINDI of The Ned Natter Show

PASHANA KONDAPINDI
Ned’s Indian buddy - owns a small Indian restaurant, convenience store and gas station, always looking to do things on the cheap usually with disastrous results. He's also a wannabe rap artist, presents his newest rap song “We Don’t Give A Muck (Gotta Go, Gotta Go) featuring himself as “Cardamom P” and his side-kick neighbor and (FWA) Farmer with Attitude; our very own Grand Master Farmer Neddy Ned exclusively on The Ned Natter Show.

Quentin and Coagulate of The Ned Natter Show

QUENTIN & COAGULATE
Quentin me actor-painter-writer-camper-tenant - usually flamboyantly dressed - well by Ned’s standards - like a wasp at a gay pride march - he boasts his Hollywood expertise - but he’s talking about Hollywood Florida, his former hometown - Quentin appeared in a few movies years back as an extra - in the crowd scenes with 500 others - before digital manipulation - if you blinked you’d miss him - Quentin’s pretty manipulating anyway - in California he was a hairdresser, a bad one - his movie experience was shaving the heads of already bald actors, even the women - when Quentin styled their hair, baldness and a wig was the only way to get cast again!

His partner Coagulate is a victim of his hairstyling - there’s only so far you take a peroxide blonde comb-over that gets wider by the day - Coagulate’s more honest about his movie experience - as a janitor in a Miami theater - he’s well up on movie history though - he watched just about every one that came out over a 30 year period, he’d come out long before that - even before those thumbs-up critic guys he was waving his hose around the theater - the moment the lights went up - yes his vacuum cleaner hose! Nowadays he gives guitar lessons to young men, his partner Quentin likes to paint them, men not the guitars, he hangs them around the barn to dry - the paintings not the men - he dreams of men hanging around me barn - usually they run away afterwards with or without their clothes - when he tells them how he wants to use a bigger brush to get the best effects or an even smaller one to get at their finer details!

TOSHIKO SUZUKI

Toshiko is Old Nan's best friend and me brother Nelson’s wife’s 102 year old grandmother.
She was a professional dominatrix when she was younger and used to manage a huge paddy field too, y’know rice growing, but when Paddy went back to Ireland everything changed and she became a specialist international dealer in instruments of torture, whilst bringing up her now sex therapist granddaughter Hina.